The power of a pity party


   It's interesting.. I've heard about pity parties for a long time.. but
I've always had a bit of a problem with people who jump down the throats of
those who are having them... And I've just now figured out much of why.
   People who are having pity parties aren't always just being whiney
children who want their own way.  Such people are often dying inside because
of a lacking self image.. often from being mistreated for many years.  As a
result, since such people have been often (in growing up) refused proper
acknowledgement of their own rightness in situations -- often being told they
are in the wrong, and even punished, when they are much if not totally in the
right -- they can end up believing that their own abilities to be right, or
to do things well, are truly less than adequate.  These people can end up in
a bind between wanting their past years of wrongs righted, and wanting to
please those who are continuing to lord over them and refuse them their
proper consideration.  So when they do something minorly wrong, they can end
up pummeling themselves, because that's what pleased their overlords in the
past (or what may still please them now).. and thinking they just can't do
anything right.. while wrestling with an inner tumult over their own
wondering how they could be wrong so much of the time.
   Now I'm not saying that pity parties are the best way to act.. far from
it.  But I think that an awful lot of people go around condemning self-pity
without knowing that the main reason they take place is because people are
dying for one thing they simply haven't had -- validation.  All of us need to
find a place (preferably in God's love) where our well-doings are categorized
*as* well-doings.. and our poor-doings likewise... under fair judgement, not
overlording misjudgement.  And until we find that place where we feel
comfortable enough that our legitimate pain truly *was* legitimate, and not
our own fault.. it is oh so easy to not know how much we truly *are* in the
right, and end up totally confused, and prone to self-deprication.
   People who have been our overlords have such power over our cognition.. to
shape it and misshape it extremely.  And such people cause a lot of damage
that needs to be assessed as real damage that wasn't the victim's fault.  To
say that it truly *was* the fault of a little child when they were abused is
nothing short of betrayal.  But this is what happens to the little child who
has no source of positive reinforcement to turn to.  Such a child will often
base his/her opinions of himself upon how that parent, teacher, etc. treats
him/her... rather than upon truth.. since standing on what the child believes
to be true only gets him hurt more.  And the fact is.. though not all people
were abused by their parents.. many people have lived in a "kinship" of sorts
where they were subjugated quite unfairly.  And if they had no one around to
agree that such subjugation was unjustified, and their pain unjust, it
becomes a natural conclusion for the abused to retreat and believe themselves
worthless, since they are being treaded so miserably.. and that treatment is
justified by all those around them who *are* vocal/audible.
   Truth be told.. the way out of this rut *is* to trust that God truly loves
each one of us.  It is the absolute necessity for the abusee to come to a
place of security in God wherein he truly feels that his pain wasn't
legitimate.  Until this happens.. it is a continuous downward spiral of
self-deprication and longing.. hoping for someone to be the champion of their
inner hope that their pain truly *is* unjust.
   God *is* that champion.  Like Joyce Meyer said on a recent broadcast, God
*will* fight for the cause of the victimized/abused.. and will pay back
double for our pain.. but a big part of accepting that fact is the
acknowledgement of the factuality of the pain being undeserved.  Until that
happens, victimized/abused people will run away from God.. thinking deep down
He must hate them, since so many people around them (often claiming to know
God) just say their pain is their fault.. or won't side with them that it's
not... and thus they simply assume that God must think their pain is their
fault too.